This is essentially the question that lingers in my subconscious and appears now and again without reason. How did I get here? What events have occurred to bring me to this precise time and place? Where do I go from here? There are several interactions every day that bring me back to this question.
It only takes a minute to change the course of your life, a millisecond in fact. It all hit me on the ride into work today. The wind was blowing across my face, the sun was beginning to rise through the passing trees, the weight of my backpack slid from hip bone to hip bone, and it hit me… today is the day. The day where student life transitions into a world where the people are real and the problems are looming. Yesterday’s horizontal mattress sutures in the pig’s foot are today’s vertical mattress sutures in the adolescents forehead. There is little room for mistakes. You must learn quickly and remember everything. This is your job- see one, do one, teach one. Almost instantaneously the question appears; how on earth did I get here?
I guess I should tell you; I am a Physician Assistant student embarking upon my clinical year, when all the classroom education is put into action. I sat these past fifteen months and dreamed of the day when I would put the knowledge to use. Here I am. In my days as a first year student I yearned for something like this blog I am about to create. This blog will serve as more than a simple preparatory tool though. I am creating this online journal for some selfish reasons as well. Foremost, this will be my release. This is my necessary tool to liberate the stress of the day and then be able to reflect on what happened and grow from it. I want to recognize my weaknesses and then strive for more balance in my life. So essentially- although this is a medically related blog, it is focused on my own personal growth.
Here is my “are you serious?” moment of the day:
I am leaning forward on my swivel stool, looking deep into opening of a ulcer on the posterior side of the first metatarsal (basically the bottom of the big toe), it is large- and I mean large. The patient’s foot is resting in my palm and I am examining the edges around the yellowish pus filled ulcer, and the edema surrounding the joint. From over my shoulder I hear “What does it smell like?”
(WHAT?!?)
“What does the ulcer smell like?” He repeats. He must be kidding. I turn to face him--- nope, not kidding. Doc wants me to smell the huge ulcer. I turn to face the patient, who is rather horrified and looks empathetically down at me.
I sniff.
I block out the smell. Her perfume is wafting down and distracting me.
I sniff more deeply… my nose is frighteningly close to the open sore.
Foul fruity smell. Grape-ish. Doc says, “Probably psuedomonas…” and turns to leave.
So- you actually do smell ulcers. I learn something new every day. This is also the beauty of working in medicine; everyday you challenge your comfort zone... you care for people in their most vulnerable states, thus you must project confidence at all times. If something needs to be done to better the patients chance at a full recovery then you do it, no questions asked. Your own level of comfort needs to remain flexible. Obviously I am still working at this.
Cheers to day one.
No comments:
Post a Comment