I moved out of my house, I left my six roommates after graduation, left my school program and my 22 incredible PA friends, left my family both physically and somewhat emotionally. I said goodbye (temporarily) to the love of my life and my best friend as he left to make his dreams come true in Muscat, Oman.. I am starting new. New home, new roommate, new job..... new way of life......
Here I am in my first rotation where I am allowed to shape the type of clinician I will be. It is up to you. Who would you like to be? The respected, the humorous, the compassionate, the stern, the intellectual, the long winded, the impatient--- it is up to you to blend your own style. Everyday I get to decide how my attitude, compassion and knowledge will impact the patients I see. I try to remember this every time I knock on a new door.
It is humbling to know that every interaction for eight hours a day is an important opportunity to ease someones fears, pain, or answer their questions and relieve some anxiety. Every single day this happens. Wow, that is scary to me. It is difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that I will impact the way someone remembers their surgery, or their care. These are huge events in someones life. For gods sake it is someones health and vitality.
This fact was brought to my attention today in surgery. As I leaned over the incision site- locating the torn fragments of the achilles tendon with my tired eyes I bumped into their other calf... and it felt warm. In fact it felt good to lean against this other body.... I must be seriously deprived of physical affection because it felt nice to feel this other human... heart beating, lungs exanding, circulation pumping beneath my arms. Thats when I began to see the extent of what we were doing. I looked up in my face shield, hot breath swelling in my face mask, and remembered the patient yesterday as he sat in the chair holding his wife's hand. Although these memories do build stress to perform the perfect operation it is so important to remember that this foot you are looking at does have a body that it belongs to, and this body has a life and a family.
1 comment:
This blog is absolutely amazing. When I heard you were starting one, I thought to myself, "well it's about time." Now, actually reading what you have started to write, I am moved by your eloquence and sincerity as you help the human side of what you are doing make it's brilliant stand. This is incredible, you are doing amazing things both professionally and personally.
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