Stranger

I feel like somehow I don't belong here anymore, like my family moved on and I continue to live in a house that holds ghosts and memories. This house is my world of medicine, my vision of the future. Continually I am forced to acknowledge that medicine is not just about helping people; it is about business and money. It is not a world where we work as a team; it is a competition, a society with strict class and rank. Every day I wake determined to make a difference, to make this day different and purposeful. I yearn to feel united in a partnership of common goals. I ache for understanding, compassion.... deeper connection. I was not prepared for it to be this mentally and emotionally draining.

My hope is slipping through my fingers, I can feel my surrender burning the back of my throat. I will not do it though. I won't give in. Do you know how easy it would be for me to just sit back and stay silenced? To simply nod at appropriate times and never risk being wrong? How smoothly would each day run if I didn't insist on seeing my own patients, and challenging their methods? I am determined to practice medicine my way, to pursue my dreams on my own terms. Too many people meet a challenge, a road block, and turn around. I am not going to get caught up in money and power. I will not let anyone stop me.

I will hold tight to those who believe in my potential and my dreams. My Lynny, my passionate soulful Lynny, the man who sees my strength in the weakest of times... I will hold your words close and repeat them if I falter.