Life moves at a strange pace these days, sometimes it accelerates and I can barely get my feet on solid ground but then in the blink of an eye time halts, and I am standing in the hospital doorway waiting for life to begin.
Sometimes I am staring down at a large head laceration and I get lost in my thoughts... I actually lose what I am doing and have to re-focus on the task at hand. I start thinking about what I am going to be doing in the next year, where I will be working, who I will be talking to, what will be important to me?? I feel like life is teetering on the edge of a Grand Canyon of sorts. If I take one more step I might plummet down into a deep ravine of unknown. It takes all my energy to stay focused on the present moment. I know it is important for me to absorb all that has happened in my life these last 4 months, to really explore what the changes mean to me. 3 months ago I was standing in a steamy birthing room, blood running down my forearms delivering Amish babies, 2 months ago I was practicing homeopathy with a great mentor of mine, 1 month ago I was taking care of Belizeans in the wild jungle of Eldridgeville. I can close my eyes and hear the drumming of the Garafuna people outside of their homes in Barranco, I can smell the curried spices traveling up the stairwell and onto our porch, I can feel the deeply callused hands of those Mayan men from years of incredibly hard life. It is all so fresh in my mind, like a frantic dream that has awoken me from sleep. What will become of those memories? I thought that after leaving Belize I would feel instantly transformed, instead I feel like I am swimming in my thoughts, trying to find a place where my feet can touch.
The end fast approaching. The end of school, the end of my clinicals, the end of late night studying and exam stress. The end of student life. I haven't given it much thought yet although I am sure I should. Transitions are never good if you are unprepared, take the Divorce transition for instance- not good. How do I prepare to leave my home though? By home I mean all the family and friends that I love. In a way I feel completely prepared to hop on the plane for Oman- I know that there will be big changes waiting for me when I arrive, but I am prepared to greet and accept those as they present themselves. The excitement of being in Oman greatly outweighs any nervousness surrounding moving to another country.
One day at a time, one step at a time. I will simply focus on putting one foot in front of the other.
If only life were a palindrome, and I could have the reassurance that looking back would be the same as looking forward.
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