Living Life Soulfully

I was recently noticing a change in myself that I did not like. I began to see the world a little differently through a greyish colored lens. I noticed a change in speech, where when people asked me about my job or my day I would only recount the most horrible moments. Perhaps this is the reality of the traveler, for it seems that most travelers favorite stories are the times when things went horrible amiss. Perhaps it is the constant state of disappointment. I was talking this through with lynn and he seems to agree; If you apply the same level of standards to business, school and relationships here, in this country, that you would in the US you will be sorely disappointed time and again. Take for instance my school, the first day I was so excited that I couldn't wait to start. I entered the class room with the highest of expectations. These were going to be the brightest best students who truly want to learn English so of course they will be prepared. As I glanced around the classroom I noticed that only 3 kids had brought their books, and only 5 kids were on time for class. Day 2: 2 kids with books, no one on time. Day 3: 3 kids with books, no pencils, no homework done, no one on time. The remaining four weeks went similarly, trying to explain that they needed to come "prepared for class" was impossible. Trying to explain that being more than 15 min late for class was not okay didn't go over well either.

I was frustrated and negative.

I hated this feeling. I felt like I had no control and as the teacher this is one thing you need to maintain.

I could only see the negative.

Then, on our last day of class my kids threw me a surprise going away party with homemade cakes, dates, cookies, etc. They also put together a skit to highlight the English they knew. It was fantastic!! They did get something out of our time together! They did learn in their own way, and they did respect and appreciate me. I was so surprised and overwhelmed with the feeling of appreciation that I nearly cried.

I got to thinking, perhaps all along it was the incompatibility of trying to restrain my students with expectations from my upbringing, from my country. Perhaps this is part of the frustration with living abroad that you will meet on every street corner- nothing works the same, has the same values or ideals. People work by a different set of rules, and this is okay. It is up to the person living abroad if this gap is too wide to bridge. Can you survive in a country that doesn't function in the same capacity as your own? Will you go insane if you stick around for more than a year?

Myself, I am looking forward to moving on with Lynn. I am ready for a positive change in a country with totally different values and attitudes. I am ready to infuse myself with an attitude of gratitude and start living life soulfully starting today. I am tired of feeling so weighted with all the negativity. There are a lot of positive things left to be explored and experienced here, and it would be a shame to wait until the very end, the "going away party" of sorts, to be able to get perspective on what truly happened and all the good that was involved.