Started a new chapter in our lives.
Started a new job, a new me, a new life.
Lynn's gone, but more present in each day as the month of july rolls by.
my belly is slowly starting to swell as our new love grows bigger every day.

Feeling very overwhelmed right now, wondering which foot comes next in this step forward. Sometimes I just sit down, and dream about the new baby. I think about the little hands, toes, rose bud mouth... I imagine the pure joy of looking at your own baby, holding him or her. I imagine our new little house, with its empty rooms just waiting for the paint and treasures to turn them into ours. I get excited anticipating all that lies ahead.

Work is good, work is actually pretty amazing, but it is quite overwhelming as well. I am a new face, a person who no one really knows yet, and I haven't told them about the baby. Each day that goes by makes this secret grow exponentially, mostly in my mind, until it can barely fit in my belly and starts to leak out leaving traces of evidence all around me... or so it feels to me. But no one notices yet. They are so kind, so attentive, so gentle with me. They use kind words, encouragement. They include me as part of the team. It is an awkward transition time, and I am starting to feel like a piece of rope dragging behind the moving boat. I feel bored, then jump in over my head a little, not knowing how to use the computer system, not knowing.... for instance the last patient on Friday. Something went awry. But my intentions are good, my heart is good.... and I am not perfect. No one is, but especially not me. I am a work in progress, and just saying it out loud makes me feel better. I need to remember to be kind with these times, to not expect to be perfect. I need to be patient with myself. These next 6 months will be just for patient learning, no judging, no expectations.

I am learning, I am growing.